WALK A FINE LINE
One fine day I got a call from a lady, as I picked up the call she gave the reference of one of my friend how that’s she got the number. She asked me that have certain queries and she wanted to take my opinion. She told that her husband had beaten her with belt and what she should do. She has a teenage daughter and an 8 years old son. I inquired how long it’s been going on. When she told me the horrible story of this abuse and violence going on since beginning and in front ofkids, I was stunned and shocked on her tolerance. I asked her that next time if he do that immediately get out and raise the alarm and report in the police station. She exactly did that and the guy was warned and now the things are far better.
In second case one lady on a social media contacted me and asked that she need some advice. she told that after going through my posts she trusted that I am mature enough to guide her to tackle her trouble. She told me that she had love marriage 7 years back and have a daughter. And she lives separately. Her husband is abusive and turned out to be a goon as she was not knowing earlier. he is not ready for divorce and asked me what is the legal course to go for. I suggested according to my knowledge. But this is again a case of fragile relationship.
A lady again in a marriage made it a habit to get beaten grievously in a marriage of 17 years. The injuries were as visible as like a knocked out boxer. Even after convincing to report it to the police she was reluctant for the sake of kids.
In as many cases there are lot of differences over so many subject that it is impossible to live under one roof. The bitterness once developed is hard to erase. The relationship is established after bonding various parameters like mentally attachment, emotional dependence, social recognition, fulfilment of financial needs, physical intimacy, space and time to each other and many much more thing.
These factors all contribute to what we called LOVE. Love doesn’t come by mere saying, one has to take up the responsibility of all such above factors to make it happen. These factors nowadays keep on changing with time as the responsibility increases with commitment or marriage. Nowadays it’s not necessary that if you are courting for many years then things will be as rosy after marriage too. I have seen two cases where even after courting for 8 years and 11 years all hell broke loose immediately after marriage and resulted in divorce. in both the cases the main cause was not sustaining thestress of responsibility and commitment to each other and adjustment in marriage and work.
The things may start on a good note for a few years even then it’s not a guarantee that it will work. The things change, priorities change and the demand for time,space and materialistic things lead to relations fall apart. The main cause is the everlasting expectations social media and fast forward life.
The people are influenced by many books, novels, tele serials and movies in which the relationships are portrayed dramatically and superficially. The people started correlating their personal issues with them and try to solve them in that particular way which resulted into much agony and deterioration. Take the example of Novel “IT ENDS WITH US “by Colleen Hoover popularly known as CoHo. The book describes the abusive and violent relationship between the couple in which the woman suffers but she always made up when he apologised. When it went beyond control they separated legally. But the author released a sequel to the novel with the name “IT STARTS WITH US” which describes how even after divorce she and same story happened again. And this is quite superficial to go back to the person who is abusive and violent as OLD HABITS DIE HARD. Relating with such kind of fictional story is not a good idea. instead try to find out the best things from the book and avoid that if happening.
In recent movie ANIMAL the protagonist on one hand is ready to kill anyone for his sister’s safety but on the other hand he behaves like an animal literally when his spouse is concerned. The matter is grave as theaudiences made this movie a super hit and the protagonist a role model. That’s matters from where you are drawing lessons and inspiration in relationship.
Social media also plays an important role in the life of an individual. It is constructive as well as destructive. There has to be a clarity of what are you using it for. People are posting everything and anything on the social platforms like Instagram and Facebook, to the extent that now they are making their kids as clowns to post it there just to get few likes and followers. This over use leads to altercation and differences between two people. There has to be a line and limit for the usage and contents.
Another factor which influence the relationship is the interference of the family and folks. It is pertinent to understand that the two individuals who are living together are the master of their lives and they mutually have to take decisions. The people around including parents, siblings and friends always give advice or provoke but the wisdom lies with the person whether to accept or not. Sometimes it’s not necessary that parents too always give you correct advise as we are emotionally, physically and mentally attached to them and rejecting them also make them feel bad but if done considerably it’s beneficial in long run.
The conclusion is that a person who behaves and take care of others and is good in the eyes of society may not be good for his or her companion as the definition of “GOOD” is different for everyone.
Now the question is how I could write so much on such a trivial matter. The answer is that I suffered 14years of bad relationship and as much time in litigation in court. Due to my case I counselled many such cases and resolved them to the logical end. Again I reiterated that it’s better to resolve amicably insisted of suffering endlessly.
The title is being taken from the song by Paul Ankawhich fits the ethos of this article:
To know when to leave,
To know when to say goodbye.
Know from the start,
All you can do is try.
You’re taking a chance with the ways of the heart
And that’s when you learn that anything can fall apart.
You know where it leads, the first time you tell a lie
When honesty ends, but you can’t say goodbye.
You’re face to face with the ways of the heart,
You’ve come to the place where suddenly the heartache starts.
Here, where black turns to white
It’s good or it’s bad, wrong turns to right.
But when it’s worth it, babe,
You gotta hang on,
Learn to hang on
You’ll learn what it means
To walk a fine line.
To know when to leave,
To know when to say goodbye,
Know from the start
All you can do is try.
You’re taking a chance
With the ways of a heart
You’ve come to the place
Where suddenly the heartache starts.
Here, where black turns to white
It’s good or it’s bad, wrong turns to right.
But when it’s worth it, babe,
You gotta hang on,
Learn to hang on
You’ll learn what it means
To walk a fine line.
Taking a chance
With the ways of a heart
You’ve come to the place
Where suddenly the heartache starts.
There is a place where black turns to white
It’s good or it’s bad, wrong turns to right.
But when it’s worth it, babe,
You gotta hang on,
You learn to hang on
You learn what it means
To walk a fine line.
Hear it, babyTaking a chance
With the ways of a heart
You’ve come to the place
Where suddenly the heartache starts.
There is a place where black turns to white
It’s good or it’s bad, wrong turns to right.
But when it’s worth it, babe,
You gotta hang on,
You learn to hang on
You learn what it means
To walk a fine line.
There is a place where black turns to white
Whether it’s good or it’s bad, wrong turns to right.
But when it’s worth it, babe,
You gotta hang on,
You learn to hang on
You learn what it means
To walk a fine line
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